Atomically update serialized PHP arrays in MySQL

Okay, okay, it’s hard to find a use case for this when it’s so obvious that the correct way to handle one-to-many is with JOIN. But if you’re already committed to your schema and you decide you need to append serialized PHP data to a row atomically, you can cons serialized values with this query:

  serialized = "i:1;"
    serialized = CONCAT(

After you have performed this three times with the serialized values 1, 2, and 3, the row contains this:


After unserializing, deconstruct it with this function:

function decons($list) {
    $res = array();
    while ( $list != array() ) {
        if ( $list[0] === 'cons' ) {
            array_unshift( $res, $list[1] );
            $list = $list[2];
        } else {
            array_unshift( $res, $list );
    return $res;

The result:

array(1, 2, 3)

I haven’t actually used it (probably never will) but you are welcome to try this at home!

Proving that this is stupid is left as an exercise for the reader.

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